The Illusion of
Control,
by Kate Starr, Youth
Director
To the uninitiated, Sunday night youth group in the Sponge
Room can look a lot like anarchy – lawless, unruly, and incredibly loud. But
this is no UUtopian society of complete freedom without responsibility. Our
form of government is called Youth Empowerment, and it’s not for the faint of
heart.
That’s because if we’re doing our job right, neither I nor
my intrepid Youth Advisors are in control. We maintain boundaries and keep
people safe, but we are not in control. We help turn their ideas into reality,
but we are not in control. We are ultimately responsible, but we are not in
control.
This kind of responsibility without the illusion of control (all
control is really just an illusion) can create anxiety in amateurs. But once
you’ve experienced – over and over again as I have – the success that comes when
youth feel free and safe to be themselves and to create something that truly
expresses who they are, it’s not scary, it’s thrilling.
Youth feel free to be themselves when we help create an
atmosphere of trust and accountability. This requires adults who are accepting
and accessible; interested and interesting; neither evasive nor invasive;
self-confident and humble; mature and playful; tolerant of noise and messes; and,
this is the big one, courageous enough let youth be in charge.
Youth Empowerment requires a constant balance between directing
and guiding. New groups, like the Coming of Age class, require a little more
direction. Once they’ve moved downstairs, the older members pass along what they’ve
learned about Youth Empowerment to the next generation. When a group is truly
self-governing, we guide and advise. Youth will feel disempowered if Adult Advisors
fail to acknowledge their abilities and continue to direct too much.
While parents of teenagers are invested in their kids’ youth
group experience and are, therefore, among the most motivated to become Youth
Advisors, it may not be a good fit. Youth sometimes find it difficult to open
up if parents are in the room. And sometimes parents find it difficult to hear kids
open up! If that is the case, it is the adult who needs to find another way to
serve.
The operative word in Youth Group is Youth. At our church,
this is their world, and they are empowered. It is our honor to advise, listen,
play, and pray with them.
For more information, contact Kate Starr, Youth Director at 743-3194, or email kstarr@AllSoulsChurch.org.